While we’re wondering what Trump’s reaction will be to Obama’s declaration that he “doesn’t understand the world,” and hoping it will be out-of-this-world fantabulous, I’ve decided to share something far more important than our current political landscape with all of you. That’s right. I’m finally doing it.
I’m about to give you what you’ve been waiting for…An in depth look into my life as a newly single 43 year old woman, and Mom, who has been thrust back into the dating world. I promised you a series, and that’s exactly what you’re getting.
I’ve been waiting for the right moment to begin this journey with you, and decided that there’s no time like the present. (I’m also attending a Bat Mitzvah tonight where the X will be as well, and thought, “Now feels about right”.)
It’s been 18 years since I was last in the dating world, and a shitload has changed. I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. Everything is online now. Everything.
And, that especially goes for the 21st Century’s dating landscape. In fact, I think it would be cause for a primetime special if someone met someone today in a “happenstance” kind of way.
I really don’t know how you meet anyone, unless you’re online. And, there are a few things that sort of struck me when I started my dating quest. (Let’s consider this first post in my series, your “Intro into Sharon’s Brave New World.”)
My top ten things I’ve learned from online dating:
Sure they did…Right after I squatted and my pants fell off. Oops. (Photo courtesy of Zazzle.com)
- It’s basically a form of online legitimate “Human Trafficking.” Or, one big Human Shopping Mall. Take your pick.
- I teach my kids about “Stranger Danger” and, yet, I will text and talk to a virtual stranger for no less than a day, before I say, “Sure…let’s get together for drinks. At night. In a dark bar. In a secluded booth. In the way way back, by the exit. The exit which leads to a dark alley. What time?”
- Men really like sleeveless shirts. And, beach shots. And, pics where they’re holding a drink, in a sleeveless shirt, on the beach.
- There are a ton of men, in their 40’s and 50’s, who have never been married and have no kids, but want to start having a family now. That automatically eliminates me, as my shop is C.L.O.S.E.D. for business.
- Being “Fit and Healthy” is extremely important to everyone, and they all want you to live the same.
- Most people are “Spiritual, but not Religious.”
- There are a ton of “Bikers” out there…and I don’t mean Harley riders, although I’ve noticed a fair amount of those too. A lot of men Cycle. And, they prefer a woman who cycles as well. (My girls at Soul should be smiling at this.) This always counts me out.
- There’s a lot of height-shaming out there for men. Or would it be lack-of-height-shaming?
- Nobody wants anyone “Crazy.” Hmmm. Really?! Because I’d just love someone straight out of Bellevue.
- Everyone is “witty, well-travelled, sophisticated yet fun and spontaneous, intelligent, loyal, successful, fit, healthy, well-balanced, financially independent, a foodie, lover of art galleries, dog lovers, into sports, movies, books, loves to cook, yada yada yada…” If everyone is really all of these things, why the hell are there so many people on so many different fucking dating sites??!! Riddle me that!
Okay…Now that I’ve given you some of my initial thoughts on online dating, we can get into it. Where shall we go from here though…What happens when your ex pops up on your dating feed? How do you “sell” yourself so you’re not really selling yourself? What are the new dating rules today? What really happens on these dates?
You’ll just have to check back daily to find out….xoxoxo
Tell me all about your online dating thoughts???
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Another nice post, Sharon. Being back in the dating world also, I wanted to add a few thoughts. Regarding happenstance proto-romantic encounters, these do still occur, but it is helpful to put yourself into situations where they would be more likely to occur; this is widely-advocated dating advice. Case in point: I attended a Federation Young Adult Division social event–NOT a singles event–a month ago, a sort of fake, 80s-themed bar mitzvah party. I got hammered, but that’s not important… OK, maybe it is. Anyhow, I met a lovely, smart, together woman. We flirted, chatted, and danced. I sort of felt like I was 22 again. Something clicked, and we’ve been happily dating since then. And this is in Pittsburgh, not exactly Jewish singles heaven. I didn’t expect it, but there it was. I would imagine that the opportunities would abound in metro New York.
Regarding 40s and 50s never-married guys looking to sire children, you need not concern yourself with them. There are plenty of other similar guys who don’t want kids–or at least any more kids, usually divorced. Focus on them. In my dating adventures, I’ve come across many never-married women in their 30s or early 40s who want to have kids yesterday. Those two demographics were made for each other, but that’s not your game.
The other phenomena that you describe are, I agree, real, and your observations are accurate. D-bags and boring people abound, and you’re probably going to have to kiss a lot of frogs. My experience has been that online dating is enthralling at first (look at the size of this menu!), but then it can get demoralizing. Still, if you are persistent and selective, there are diamonds in the rough out there. If you see someone who piques your interest, go ahead and make the first move.
Good luck, and keep the posts coming!
Wow! Adam…Thank you for your thoughtful, eloquent, and heartfelt comment. I am so happy that you’re happy. And, I’m sure there’s a story somewhere between being hammered and feeling like you were 22 again (my favorite number btw). Most events I attend aren’t really filled with other single people.
But, I definitely agree with you that I need to put myself out there and attend different types of events, some which might even be out of my comfort zone. I have dated a lot over the past year and I can tell you, I’m definitely staying away from people who don’t have kids. Not because I’m being discriminatory (you have to be so careful these days), but because I just need someone who can relate and who understands what it means to have kids.
I haven’t found New York to be the pot of dating gold you might think it to be, probably because of the fact I’m 43, a Mom, and live in the burbs. But, even if I never find anyone again, just going out with another adult is fun, and I get the remote all to myself now.
I’ll keep posting, if you keep commenting!!!
xoxoxox